Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Psychology 101
I've just finished reading a book on psychology which was very disturbing. Frankly speaking, it was one of the most scary books that I have ever read. It was morbidly fascinating reading all the case files- absorbingly interesting yet at the same time frightening to know just how wrong seemingly normal people can turn out to be.
Right now, I have this feeling of walking on a razor blade and that a single slip in the wrong direction can be the last. It's amazing the number of utterly screwed-up people there are on the planet, and terrifying to contemplate that we are just a breath away from becoming similarly disfuctional. Most of the cases brought up in the book were portraying extreme symptoms of psychological imbalance; the reasons for their imbalances were anything but unique and can even be called commonplace. An abusive parent, a distant parent, an overprotective parent, a natural catastrophe, an unlucky encounter..... that's all it takes- just one event and you are in the high risk group for mental or social problems. One of the patients became a transvestite and eventually divorced from his very unhappy wife, because an aunt of his used to dress him up as a girl when he was young and introduce him as her niece to the people in the aunt's town. It seems so innocent, just a spot of dressing as a girl when he was a little kid- so many have done that, but look at the outcome it had on this (ex-)man.
I like to think that we are in control of our fates and that we can decide what to make of our lives, and that the past doesn't matter. The cases laid out in the book I read say otherwise. A majority of the cases stem from incidents that occured in childhood that had a negative impact that only got worse as time drew on. Seems it is true that when young we are but pieces of glass that all parents leave marks on, while others crack or chip, and some shatter. The only difference is in chance- who gets who as parents, something no one can determine or change, and if you get the short straw it's an uphill battle for the rest of your life.
Maybe I'm just being pessimistic here, or I'm still spooked by that book, but it seems to me that everybody has some small disfunction about us. Admittedly we are not perfect- far from it. The thing is we were so close to being psychotic, but by chance or design ended up within the parameters of normal human behaviour. Now that, THAT is something to be thankful for.
Right now, I have this feeling of walking on a razor blade and that a single slip in the wrong direction can be the last. It's amazing the number of utterly screwed-up people there are on the planet, and terrifying to contemplate that we are just a breath away from becoming similarly disfuctional. Most of the cases brought up in the book were portraying extreme symptoms of psychological imbalance; the reasons for their imbalances were anything but unique and can even be called commonplace. An abusive parent, a distant parent, an overprotective parent, a natural catastrophe, an unlucky encounter..... that's all it takes- just one event and you are in the high risk group for mental or social problems. One of the patients became a transvestite and eventually divorced from his very unhappy wife, because an aunt of his used to dress him up as a girl when he was young and introduce him as her niece to the people in the aunt's town. It seems so innocent, just a spot of dressing as a girl when he was a little kid- so many have done that, but look at the outcome it had on this (ex-)man.
I like to think that we are in control of our fates and that we can decide what to make of our lives, and that the past doesn't matter. The cases laid out in the book I read say otherwise. A majority of the cases stem from incidents that occured in childhood that had a negative impact that only got worse as time drew on. Seems it is true that when young we are but pieces of glass that all parents leave marks on, while others crack or chip, and some shatter. The only difference is in chance- who gets who as parents, something no one can determine or change, and if you get the short straw it's an uphill battle for the rest of your life.
Maybe I'm just being pessimistic here, or I'm still spooked by that book, but it seems to me that everybody has some small disfunction about us. Admittedly we are not perfect- far from it. The thing is we were so close to being psychotic, but by chance or design ended up within the parameters of normal human behaviour. Now that, THAT is something to be thankful for.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Between a Rock and a Hard Place
Or the devil and the deep blue sea? To use the second saying over the first to describe my situation would just scream of irony. I'm a freethinker, and a happy one at that. Religion requires leaps of faith without offering any explaination other than 'have faith' (!), requires one to conform and accept the 'wisdom' of a religious leader, and in some cases places restrictions on the eating or personal habits of it's practitioners just to prove to other religions that they are different. I'm not saying that religion is bad, just that it's not for me.
One of the new friends I've met here and spend a significant amount of time with is part of a Christian group. Now, that's not a problem to me. This Christian group has loads of energy and seems very friendly, which is great; it also has a degree of self-organisation which is pretty competent and a defined leadership. The first few times I met members of the group was in the very first week of oreintation, and I wasn't even aware that the events were church organised, which shows that the group has at least some degree of strategial expertise. Over the past few weeks I've come to know quite a few of the church people, most of whom are really nice, and also somehow been adopted into one of the church's 'cells'. In cell, they talk about the bible and quote chapters of it, they also sing hymns and play relgious clips. In all honesty, that, along with listening to the pastor's sermons, makes my blood creep. I can't accept this way of thinking or their belief system, it just feels wrong.
The trouble is, I know some of these people quite well, and I don't want to throw that away. It's a brilliant move by the church by organizing a few events for the internationals and supporting them in the early stages of uni WITHOUT telling us that they were a church, because that allowed the unsuspecting to bond with their members. My family isn't thrilled at the prospect of me being part of a 'cell', well, neither am I. I'm also pretty sure that prolonged contact with any way of thinking will begin to influence my personal standpoint, which I detest. Unfortunately, at the moment outside the classroom and the church people the number of friends I can spend time with are miminmal. This should aleviate with the passing of time, but until then I'm stuck in a quandry. Minimize contact with the church people and not free uncomfortable due to the clashing beliefs while forfieting greater companionship; or go for their events and services while quitely choking back protests that logic is defied in all sermons but gaining a place in the community? Going for their events but not the services seems like a shortchange, because people don't do things for free.
I guess it all depends on how open this group is, and whether they can tolerate an unbeliever in their ranks.
One of the new friends I've met here and spend a significant amount of time with is part of a Christian group. Now, that's not a problem to me. This Christian group has loads of energy and seems very friendly, which is great; it also has a degree of self-organisation which is pretty competent and a defined leadership. The first few times I met members of the group was in the very first week of oreintation, and I wasn't even aware that the events were church organised, which shows that the group has at least some degree of strategial expertise. Over the past few weeks I've come to know quite a few of the church people, most of whom are really nice, and also somehow been adopted into one of the church's 'cells'. In cell, they talk about the bible and quote chapters of it, they also sing hymns and play relgious clips. In all honesty, that, along with listening to the pastor's sermons, makes my blood creep. I can't accept this way of thinking or their belief system, it just feels wrong.
The trouble is, I know some of these people quite well, and I don't want to throw that away. It's a brilliant move by the church by organizing a few events for the internationals and supporting them in the early stages of uni WITHOUT telling us that they were a church, because that allowed the unsuspecting to bond with their members. My family isn't thrilled at the prospect of me being part of a 'cell', well, neither am I. I'm also pretty sure that prolonged contact with any way of thinking will begin to influence my personal standpoint, which I detest. Unfortunately, at the moment outside the classroom and the church people the number of friends I can spend time with are miminmal. This should aleviate with the passing of time, but until then I'm stuck in a quandry. Minimize contact with the church people and not free uncomfortable due to the clashing beliefs while forfieting greater companionship; or go for their events and services while quitely choking back protests that logic is defied in all sermons but gaining a place in the community? Going for their events but not the services seems like a shortchange, because people don't do things for free.
I guess it all depends on how open this group is, and whether they can tolerate an unbeliever in their ranks.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Week One
It's my first posting since landing in Australia, and yeah, lots of stuff has been happening. The days leading up to the departure were full of meeting up with friends and saying goodbye, and it was a good job- met with almost everyone that I could. I'm not like Samuel, who has no problems leaving without telling many people where he's going. I like closure in the things I do, a last word that closes a chapter beyond a shadow of doubt; in fact this even made me do something that I sorta regret once in high school.... but none of that here. The actual meetings were fun, as most gatherings are, but at the end of each I went home slightly depressed and teary eyed. It's terrible saying goodbye, because this length of parting is such that it's certain that people will change in that time span to become almost new people that one will basically have to re-know. It's bitter-sweet, going on to a better place but leaving behind all the people that one has spent so much time with.
It's getting better as the days go by, and as I get to know more people. Sitting alone in the room is good for short periods of time before one starts to get cabin fever. Luckily, the people that I've met so far a pretty nice (and pretty pretty too!), so it's easy to get along with them. The weather takes some getting used to though..... the sun is much brighter here than back home. Since it's summer, the days are hot hot HOT, but in the evenings it's really beautifu. If one walks by the river, one would feel a breeze coming from the banks, blowing at one's cheeks, and see a multi-coloured sky floating above that looks brilliantly orange at the horizon where the sun is setting, gradually changing to darker more mellow tones of yellow, green, and blue, before ending with a blackness unclothed by clouds, sprinkled with stars. It's so peaceful and calming that I think I'm starting to love it here.
It's getting better as the days go by, and as I get to know more people. Sitting alone in the room is good for short periods of time before one starts to get cabin fever. Luckily, the people that I've met so far a pretty nice (and pretty pretty too!), so it's easy to get along with them. The weather takes some getting used to though..... the sun is much brighter here than back home. Since it's summer, the days are hot hot HOT, but in the evenings it's really beautifu. If one walks by the river, one would feel a breeze coming from the banks, blowing at one's cheeks, and see a multi-coloured sky floating above that looks brilliantly orange at the horizon where the sun is setting, gradually changing to darker more mellow tones of yellow, green, and blue, before ending with a blackness unclothed by clouds, sprinkled with stars. It's so peaceful and calming that I think I'm starting to love it here.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Today the Star newspaper highlighted a couple of cases where people commited suicide after posting up their intentions on Facebook. In one of the said cases, after the 17 year old girl said she wanted to end her life, some of her so-called 'friends' on Facebook actually dared her to do so. Imagine that! Your friends, daring you to commit suicide?
This brings up the issue of Facebook friends. I know some people who have thousands of friends on their online social networks. But the value of such 'friendships'? When Facebook tells the people you listed as friends that your birthday is today, your wall gets plastered with hundreds of birthday wishes. Yes, the thoughts do count.... to some degree. I find these sort of wishes a bit meaningless- a convenient thing to do with a few clicks of a button that carries virtually no emotional weight or investment of time. I remember the day after my birthday I checked my account, to see maybe 100 people had posted on my wall some variation of 'Happy Birthday!'....... those 100 odd wishes couldn't compare to the time I had spent the same day with just one of my real life friends.
I think it's time for me to cut back on Facebook time. Previously it was about once a day that I checked my profile, I shouldn't be missing much if I now check it 2 or 3 times a week.
This brings up the issue of Facebook friends. I know some people who have thousands of friends on their online social networks. But the value of such 'friendships'? When Facebook tells the people you listed as friends that your birthday is today, your wall gets plastered with hundreds of birthday wishes. Yes, the thoughts do count.... to some degree. I find these sort of wishes a bit meaningless- a convenient thing to do with a few clicks of a button that carries virtually no emotional weight or investment of time. I remember the day after my birthday I checked my account, to see maybe 100 people had posted on my wall some variation of 'Happy Birthday!'....... those 100 odd wishes couldn't compare to the time I had spent the same day with just one of my real life friends.
I think it's time for me to cut back on Facebook time. Previously it was about once a day that I checked my profile, I shouldn't be missing much if I now check it 2 or 3 times a week.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Dota?
I recently played a few rounds of Dota with my friends, one of the few times (less than 50) I've actually played against human players. Most of the time I'm happy to just bully the AI, but it was time to see how good (or bad) my playstyle was compared to the general public.
The initial conclusion: not good.
The thing about playing against computers is that computers are stupid and predictable. They play the same way, have the same builds, always stay on the lanes, and react in the same way if one attacks them. Humans on the other hand, are mostly intelligent and never predictable. Sure, there are some who cannot play the game to save their life..... but there are many who are masters of the game.
I've been playing too much against the AI I expected people to be not much different from the computer in terms of teamwork and tactics- that was a most grevious mistake. Teamwork, the element of surprise, and instilling fear- that is what will win games. I still got a lot to learn about the strategies....
The initial conclusion: not good.
The thing about playing against computers is that computers are stupid and predictable. They play the same way, have the same builds, always stay on the lanes, and react in the same way if one attacks them. Humans on the other hand, are mostly intelligent and never predictable. Sure, there are some who cannot play the game to save their life..... but there are many who are masters of the game.
I've been playing too much against the AI I expected people to be not much different from the computer in terms of teamwork and tactics- that was a most grevious mistake. Teamwork, the element of surprise, and instilling fear- that is what will win games. I still got a lot to learn about the strategies....
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