Psychology 101

I've just finished reading a book on psychology which was very disturbing. Frankly speaking, it was one of the most scary books that I have ever read. It was morbidly fascinating reading all the case files- absorbingly interesting yet at the same time frightening to know just how wrong seemingly normal people can turn out to be.

Right now, I have this feeling of walking on a razor blade and that a single slip in the wrong direction can be the last. It's amazing the number of utterly screwed-up people there are on the planet, and terrifying to contemplate that we are just a breath away from becoming similarly disfuctional. Most of the cases brought up in the book were portraying extreme symptoms of psychological imbalance; the reasons for their imbalances were anything but unique and can even be called commonplace. An abusive parent, a distant parent, an overprotective parent, a natural catastrophe, an unlucky encounter..... that's all it takes- just one event and you are in the high risk group for mental or social problems. One of the patients became a transvestite and eventually divorced from his very unhappy wife, because an aunt of his used to dress him up as a girl when he was young and introduce him as her niece to the people in the aunt's town. It seems so innocent, just a spot of dressing as a girl when he was a little kid- so many have done that, but look at the outcome it had on this (ex-)man.

I like to think that we are in control of our fates and that we can decide what to make of our lives, and that the past doesn't matter. The cases laid out in the book I read say otherwise. A majority of the cases stem from incidents that occured in childhood that had a negative impact that only got worse as time drew on. Seems it is true that when young we are but pieces of glass that all parents leave marks on, while others crack or chip, and some shatter. The only difference is in chance- who gets who as parents, something no one can determine or change, and if you get the short straw it's an uphill battle for the rest of your life.

Maybe I'm just being pessimistic here, or I'm still spooked by that book, but it seems to me that everybody has some small disfunction about us. Admittedly we are not perfect- far from it. The thing is we were so close to being psychotic, but by chance or design ended up within the parameters of normal human behaviour. Now that, THAT is something to be thankful for.

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Or the devil and the deep blue sea? To use the second saying over the first to describe my situation would just scream of irony. I'm a freethinker, and a happy one at that. Religion requires leaps of faith without offering any explaination other than 'have faith' (!), requires one to conform and accept the 'wisdom' of a religious leader, and in some cases places restrictions on the eating or personal habits of it's practitioners just to prove to other religions that they are different. I'm not saying that religion is bad, just that it's not for me.

One of the new friends I've met here and spend a significant amount of time with is part of a Christian group. Now, that's not a problem to me. This Christian group has loads of energy and seems very friendly, which is great; it also has a degree of self-organisation which is pretty competent and a defined leadership. The first few times I met members of the group was in the very first week of oreintation, and I wasn't even aware that the events were church organised, which shows that the group has at least some degree of strategial expertise. Over the past few weeks I've come to know quite a few of the church people, most of whom are really nice, and also somehow been adopted into one of the church's 'cells'. In cell, they talk about the bible and quote chapters of it, they also sing hymns and play relgious clips. In all honesty, that, along with listening to the pastor's sermons, makes my blood creep. I can't accept this way of thinking or their belief system, it just feels wrong.

The trouble is, I know some of these people quite well, and I don't want to throw that away. It's a brilliant move by the church by organizing a few events for the internationals and supporting them in the early stages of uni WITHOUT telling us that they were a church, because that allowed the unsuspecting to bond with their members. My family isn't thrilled at the prospect of me being part of a 'cell', well, neither am I. I'm also pretty sure that prolonged contact with any way of thinking will begin to influence my personal standpoint, which I detest. Unfortunately, at the moment outside the classroom and the church people the number of friends I can spend time with are miminmal. This should aleviate with the passing of time, but until then I'm stuck in a quandry. Minimize contact with the church people and not free uncomfortable due to the clashing beliefs while forfieting greater companionship; or go for their events and services while quitely choking back protests that logic is defied in all sermons but gaining a place in the community? Going for their events but not the services seems like a shortchange, because people don't do things for free.

I guess it all depends on how open this group is, and whether they can tolerate an unbeliever in their ranks.